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Mind || A Reckoning

While listening to Clair de Lune — Debussy

1:40 a.m.

The 26th of December was unlike any other day. It shook me from within. My soul felt wrecked; my body trembled; my mind fractured into pieces I could not immediately gather. Flames, smoke, and a panic-stricken voice closed in on me, swallowing all sense of time. There was only numbness. As seconds passed, a single thought surfaced with terrifying clarity: this could be the end.

The past decade, however, has taught me something invaluable—composure in moments of high risk. Somewhere beneath the fear, that discipline surfaced. I stepped out, pulling myself back from the edge of a black hole I did not yet understand. Only later did I realize the magnitude of what had just occurred.

As time passed, my mind turned against itself. Questions began to provoke my thoughts relentlessly. What if I had been electrocuted? What if I had reacted a few seconds later—would I have survived? What if I had not been at home? What if no one on earth had detected what was happening? My body continued to tremble. The smoke from the place I escaped lingered, dragging my senses back into panic—racing heartbeats, shallow breaths, fear looping endlessly. I had felt this before, after the 6th of September, 2019.

This experience forced a deeper question upon me: Can we control what is meant to happen? Perhaps fear itself manifests as awareness when one is pushed to the extreme—a final mechanism of survival, sharpening perception when life teeters on the brink.

For the past thirty-six hours, questions have hovered without answers. Yet, within this unsettling uncertainty, I sense a shift. Perhaps this moment will change the way my mind perceives the world—its fragility, its randomness, its warnings. Perhaps the 26th of December will mark the beginning of a new self, born not from ambition or desire, but from survival, awareness, and a quiet gratitude for being here at all.



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Location: BC-169, BC Block, Sector 1, Bidhannagar, Kolkata, West Bengal 700064, India

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