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Real me got lost in the wind



The clock ticks 3'45 am....it's a dense chilly night when i sat with my laptop to write a blog...
n most of d Indian now must be growling n snoring in their bed...
A guy who drank a whole bottle of bear complete his one round of pack cigars gone mad n frustrated and depressed writes who thinks he has lost himself...

it's been 1.5 months n am to this bad addiction of ashes n raw substances....i don knew y i started...i don know what am thinking to write now but my fingers just move on...lets c wot my fingers say..

Life has changed completely, it had taken a journey n direction...i think n feel proud when i memorize d days till my class 10...n somehow if i hadn't polluted myself to d perfume of some of my x-gf's n with some gals den i will consider till d end of 1st year of B.E to d very start of 2nd year of my mechanical engineering life...

I couldn't think of d stage am into to these days even before 2 months back...GOD has given me a back sight to c what d real word of fucking desire of destruction is...A unknown built of shadow, a power of overconfidence and a sight of inbuilt polluted attitude...this are the three words which describes my present status...As i thought to describe the loss of PRAMIT...I would rather pick the three terms which gave a ultimate loss to me n i lost myself...this three terms are..."GIRLS", "FRIENDS", "PARENT-ISM"...

"GIRLS"
Yes GIRLS, which is like a perfume to me n i have to use it everyday....I got attached to it since my days of class 11..i started to have Girl Friend from den n it continues to my resent breakup n quick patch up with my resent Girl Friend...From those days to till now how many names of d tag Girl Friend attached with me i don't know n i still miss d count...The count goes everyday as i aim for a next target...am never happy with a perfume...i want better n better perfume so that i can smell good n feel good...Few Girls ditched me n rather many i did...some were fake but those who not i made them fake...But all r a sense of time pass n a smell to me which evaporates quick...There getting attached to this word "GIRL" i lost myself...

"FRIENDS"
How can b friends are a loss...!
this i can only know better i think so...i never thought that someday i will equal d word "F" for Friendship to "F" for Fuck...the best friends whom i love n cared d most don't remember me anymore....Some years back i used to know some real n good heart person..for whom i felt proud...i love d two friends n they were very close to me...but time ran n they r now no one to me...when i memorize those days of friendship my heart n mind pops saying, "Who d fuck they r..?"...yeah for them i don get any dictionary meaning of friendship...for those fucking friends i can't trust d word friend n friendship n couldn't make any new friends...For them Pramit has lost so did i lost myself...

"PARENT-ISM"
A child whose father says i care for marks n results, I put all d money in u n u have to return me in results...that's a nice term...but no one can feel d devil in that word...Someone would blame d son to point out on his dad...n it's real if a dad puts lacks n lacks on his son's engineering life,he would expect some results...but no one knows what pressure in words he have...he make it so difficult in words...d dad is never satisfied...d son when some years back failed to capitalize on his satisfaction was going for a suicidal...is that d word "result" n "progress report" means? In India hardly few gets pr education, d son would loved to get it rather becoming a mechanical engineer in his career. Pressure n words r something different...Pramit lost himself...



The word pure came to me like a damn bloody fucking pig fucking his pigess....It's better to try n taste for some impurity rather to keep masturbating with d pure soul daily...
I am addicted to some ashes n what i called a boosted mentally attacking free liquid...May b i have lost myself...The unhygienic word pure has now gone impurely hygienic to me...I damn care for all d bullshits...The overpowering attitude overpowers the real Pramit...I love to get lost n am hypnotized to my some sense of truthful addiction...My head bangs and my heart pumps when i listen to d song of Nirvana called "ALL APOLOGIZES"...My heart n mind apologizes to d real Pramit but welcomes a new Pramit....


Comments

  1. memoirs of an unquiet mindOctober 31, 2010 at 8:46 AM

    read it..once and then twice..was wondering what possibly can lead you to write something such that touched my heart completely...soulful i would say..

    one piece of advice, when you are blogging try not to use sms language...its disturbing while reading... :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. PramitNovember 1, 2010 at 5:56 AM

    thanx didibhai that u hav read d whole most of dis blog...

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownAugust 16, 2013 at 5:57 AM

    I read it n wanna slap u upfront on ur face!!! I get d feeling tht u r nt a warrior, u hv lost it, my dear. I thought u r brave enough to come out but seems u r harming urself. Packs of tobacco sticks N bottles of spirit is nt smthng to take support.

    ReplyDelete

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